Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
