I just pynch a tree in the face
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
