New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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