Will you blow on my dice?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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