are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
