Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
