Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
