I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
