Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Less talking, more tequila
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
