is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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