Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
