I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
