if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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