Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
