Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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