She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
