Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
