was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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