sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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