Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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