i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
