East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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