My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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