hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we're so committed to being not committed
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