Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
