Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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