Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
