So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
