i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
