she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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