Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
