i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
