just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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