Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
