so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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