You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
