I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
