so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
