I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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