Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
