its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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