I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
