I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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