No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
