dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
