She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
