My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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