I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Randomize
