I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
