I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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