She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
