Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
