but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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