I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
