yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
that is very illegal...i love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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