So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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