Porn is love you can see.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
